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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25083508">I Would've If I Needed To</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Derpy_is_awesome/pseuds/Derpy_is_awesome'>Derpy_is_awesome</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Canon Divergence, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Dorks, Eventual Keith/Lance (Voltron), Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Fluff, Keith/Lance (Voltron)-centric, Kinda, LMAO, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, POV Lance (Voltron), Paladorks, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith/Lance (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Slow Burn Keith/Lance (Voltron), Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), i can't handle slowburn well, if paladorks isn't a tag istg-, if y'all haven't guessed, slight angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:13:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,863</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25083508</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Derpy_is_awesome/pseuds/Derpy_is_awesome</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know,” he began, voice soft, “there was a time that I would’ve died for you…” </p><p>His memories aren’t exactly linked to his words, but his words are true nonetheless.</p><p>Keith, already having been tense, only seems to stiffen even more and frowns, staring at Lance.</p><p>He looks surprised, but his eyes show pain, regret.</p><p>His voice is just as quiet when he replies.</p><p>Hesitant.</p><p>“What changed?”</p><p>His eyebrows are furrowed and Lance shifts, turns his body, lifts his free hand to Keith’s face, and gently tries to smooth out the male’s expression. Keith allows it, but his eyes only reflect his own sorrow even more now that his entire expression is carefully blanked out.</p><p>Lance knows the answer to Keith’s question instantly.</p><p>Really, he didn’t have a choice in the matter; his heart had chosen for him long ago.</p><p>His hand drops from Keith’s face, trailing down, following the bump of his chest, smoothing out the creases on the sleeve of Keith’s Garrison uniform, until his free hand meets Keith’s currently unoccupied hand.</p><p>He intertwines them, tightens his grip with both hands, and smiles ruefully, “Nothing, Keith. Nothing has changed.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Keith/Lance (Voltron)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>171</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Would've If I Needed To</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation came on a night after they’ve finally returned to Earth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re sitting back to back outside on a hill, stars shining down on them almost tauntingly, reminders of what they’ve gone through in the past…</span>
  <em>
    <span> how long has it been?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance gnaws on the inside of his cheek, stuck in his thoughts as Keith’s warmth presses comfortingly along the length of his spine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The night sky is clear, not a single cloud in sight when Lance looks up. Keith is silent, most likely in his own thought-process. Lance doesn’t like the silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he does appreciate Keith’s hand in his, fingers intertwined.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He appreciates the way Keith lets out a small hum every once in a while, a small reminder that he’s there, even though with how Lance glued them together when they sat down, the reminder is unnecessary.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still appreciates it, regardless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They hadn’t yet spoken much, and Lance knew it was just because neither knew what to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But a question lingers at the back of his mind, curiosity and the pain of longing creeping up his spine and leaving him to shiver. Keith tightens his grip on Lance’s hand for a brief second, maybe two, before he relaxes his grip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A reminder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A reminder that Keith is there for whenever Lance wants to talk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A reminder of when he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he wasn’t there at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance inhales sharply, surprised at the sudden tsunami of memories that take control of his mind so quickly he can’t understand what’s happening until he’s practically reliving the memories once again, as if he isn’t on a hill with Keith holding his hand, as if they’re still stuck in space and Keith had been absent in Lance’s life for </span>
  <em>
    <span>months </span>
  </em>
  <span>because of a stupid Blade mission while in reality, Keith had spent two years- </span>
  <em>
    <span>two whole years! </span>
  </em>
  <span>-somewhere Lance couldn’t have ever known of had Keith not returned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith tenses at Lance’s back, turns, concern evident on his features, but Lance is caught up in the past, watching it all flicker by.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“-does he looked bigger to you guys?” Lance was astonished, and a tad flustered at the sight of Keith. Well, maybe not just a tad flustered considering his brain-to-mouth filter was apparently not functioning.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How do we know you’re not Keith’s cooler, grizzled older brother?” He was teasing, instantly trying to sink back into old routines, old habits that never died over the past few months, hoping for a spark of… whatever had been forming between him and Keith. A spark of… what? Love? Affection? Care? Lance didn’t know. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t have time for this, Lance!” Keith provided nothing of what Lance had been thinking. Ouch. It hurt Lance to admit Keith looked genuinely annoyed. He wondered what had changed Keith so drastically over the past few months, silently prayed he could get his old Keith back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey everybody, Keith’s back!” He fled back to the safety of his own sarcasm, dropping his arms from where they’d been poised in preparation to tackle Keith in a relieved hug. He’d have to save it. Or maybe Keith just wouldn’t want it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance blinks, snapping himself out of his thoughts and tilts his head to face Keith, gaze growing sorrowful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know,” he began, voice soft, “there was a time that I would’ve died for you…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His memories aren’t exactly linked to his words, but his words are true nonetheless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith, already having been tense, only seems to stiffen even more and frowns, staring at Lance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks surprised, but his eyes show pain, regret.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His voice is just as quiet when he replies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hesitant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What changed?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyebrows are furrowed and Lance shifts, turns his body, lifts his free hand to Keith’s face, and gently tries to smooth out the male’s expression. Keith allows it, but his eyes only reflect his own sorrow even more now that his entire expression is carefully blanked out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance knows the answer to Keith’s question instantly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Really, he didn’t have a choice in the matter; his heart had chosen for him long ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hand drops from Keith’s face, trailing down, following the bump of his chest, smoothing out the creases on the sleeve of Keith’s Garrison uniform, until his free hand meets Keith’s currently unoccupied hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He intertwines them, tightens his grip with both hands, and smiles ruefully, “Nothing, Keith. Nothing has changed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>More emotions flicker through Keith’s violet irises, too quick for Lance to decipher, before Keith scowls.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re an idiot McClain.” Keith snaps, eyes flashing before they soften, leaving Lance shocked by the abrupt change in character. “I’d never let you die for me,” Keith whispers, averting his gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In response, Lance holds on tighter, breath catching in his throat, “But I would’ve if I needed to,” he croaked quietly..</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith looks to the stars and sighs, resigned. “You’re too important to die, Lance. Too important to the universe, to this world. Your family. Team Voltron. To me,” he admits, gently prying his hands out of Lance’s vice grip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance is dumbfounded, too shellshocked to reply, stuck with his gaze glued to Keith as Keith moves away, and- </span>
  <em>
    <span>no, no why is he standing up-?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith smiles down at him, but it’s missing so much.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m getting tired, Lance. Goodnight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance opens his mouth to speak, but no words escape. For once, Lance is silent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What horrid timing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He reaches out, but Keith is already a good six feet away and Lance’s body isn’t responding to his brain’s commands correctly. Keith turns back once, eyeing Lance thoughtfully before he offers a smile, smaller than the one before it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No dying on me, Sharpshooter. Got it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then, Keith is gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance flounders, trying to think back to where he went wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thinks it was when he mentioned dying for Keith.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, it was only the truth! Keith held Lance’s heart in his hand whether he knew it or not, Keith was on Lance’s mind every damn day, Keith was the one he’d gladly die a million times for if it meant Keith could continue on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d die for the universe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d die for his friends, his family.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d die for Keith.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Watching Keith walk away after that, Lance can believe that dying wouldn’t sting as much as that did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It felt like rejection.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rejection hurt like a bitch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance doesn’t see Keith the next day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith isn’t avoiding him, by now he should know Lance will find him if he really wants to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And besides, Lance knows Keith.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fierce black paladin would never avoid something unless there was no other option. Keith would charge in headfirst and face the consequences with a flame burning in his eyes. Keith wouldn’t avoid anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance was no exception.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith was just busy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Two days after that night, Keith is awkward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He acts as if nothing had happened conversation-wise, mentions how he thought the stars had been pretty that night, but then says no more of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance feels like he’s being rejected again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith doesn’t seem to realize his words hurt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance knows Keith was always a bit slow with social cues.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thought Keith had learned better in recent times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe he was wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A week after, he finds Keith on the same hill. Keith notices him and pats the spot next to him in silent offering before turning back to face the stars and giving Lance a moment of peace to decide.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance wants to reject, make Keith’s heart sting - he knew it would - but he doesn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s weak then, weak in heart and mind alike.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He cuddles close to Keith’s side, wraps an arm around his waist, and doesn’t let go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Keith picks him up and carries him to his room after night has fallen, places him gently on the bed, Lance pretends he’s asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His heart flutters when warm, surprisingly soft lips are pressed to his cheek.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith approaches him one morning, expression thoughtful, mouth downturned, hair a pleasant mess that Lance doesn’t hesitate to run his fingers through.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith enters his room without the need for an invitation- Lance’s touch and a warm smile is invitation enough he’s sure, and Lance settles them both down on his bed as he begins to untangle the knots in Keith’s silky dark locks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s silent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith is thinking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance doesn’t interrupt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Were you serious?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The other night,” Keith clarifies, “Were you serious about… About dying for me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance wonders if he should play it off, make an excuse, but his heart decides for him when he says, plain and simple, but sincere, “Yes. I was completely serious.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith frowns again, Lance recognizes the look from the very night they were currently discussing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What has ever brought this up?” Keith asks, breaking the silence that had grown after Lance’s reply. Lance is halfway done with Keith’s braid.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, nothing specific. I just know about times when you’ve been hurt.” A hand silently presses against Keith’s chest, his heartbeat pulsing against Lance’s palm. Lance knows that over the steady beat, there’s a starburst scar similar to the one on his own back. “You’ve almost died plenty of times. If I had been given the option of saving you while risking myself? I would’ve if I needed to. A million times.” He shifts the braid and presses three feather-light kisses to Keith’s nape.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith shivers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance smirks, pleased with the reaction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith doesn’t say anything else. He’s tense. The words he wants to say go unspoken.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance knows him well enough to know exactly what he’s thinking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please don’t die. Not for me. Not for anyone. Please don’t die.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance sighs, finishes with Keith’s braid, decides to indulge himself. His lips press to Keith’s neck lightly, he sucks lightly at Keith’s jawline and leaves one (1) inconspicuous bruise just under his collarbone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith is silent during the ordeal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he turns, one hand caressing Lance’s cheek fondly. Keith presses a firm kiss to Lance’s lips. Then he stands. Then he leaves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith is silent for the rest of the day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance follows his example.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stuck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stuck in his thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~&gt;</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Lance is the one to initiate the kiss, he doesn’t let Keith pull away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He needs this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He needs Keith, needs him to understand. Needs whatever tension between them that’s building to go away so he can simply be with Keith.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows Keith. Knows him well enough to know Keith wants the same.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His thoughts are only confirmed when Keith kisses him back desperately.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance will later look back at this moment and remember what he told Keith.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Keith asks him again later, silently begging him not to reply the way Keith already knows he’s going to reply, Lance can’t lie to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gaze soft and hands gentle against Keith’s face, he mumbles, “Back then, I would’ve if I need to. I would’ve if I could’ve. Now? Nothing has changed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith only looks pained by his answers, but Lance knows Keith.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Knows him well rough that he knows, if he asked Keith the same question, Keith’s answer would be exactly the same.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I would’ve if I needed to.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you liked this, and if you did please be sure to drop a comment/kudos!</p><p>I love talking with y'all and getting your opinions, so like-<br/>yeah-<br/>hah...<br/>I'm awkward don't mind me</p></blockquote></div></div>
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